The Absurd Mission/Chapter 5

Chapter Five:The RDA Base

Austin looked around. He appeared to be in an elevator. The sides were granite, and they had slogans like "For the Kaiser" and "Science is Progress" on them. The floor was steel.

Huh. Austin didn't use elevators very often. He liked stairs. The elevator had one light, coming from the top, and there was a small, black pad on the elevator. Austin wondered where all the buttons were. Suddenly, a light came from the black pad.

The RDA Elevator

He looked at it. Wait, what? Access Denied to HIM? How was that possible? He shrugged. He'd get there eventually. He tapped F1. The elevator whizzed down, emitting sparks, and it stopped with a thump, and opened up to a hallway. Austin stared. The hallway was steel, just like the elevator. There was nothing in the hallway. He went down the hallway. Then, there was a room at the end of the hallway. Austin walked in. There was a Tern, sitting at the desk with an RDA Helmet. He looked up at Austin.

"Hello. I am Tern 004. I assume you are Austin8310, on SN's mission, looking for data on the Hochstadt Gang."

Austin stared. "HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THAT?!?"

The Tern gave a humorless grin. "You also have three siblings, according to our database. You are affiliated with Pengolia, Snowzerland, RDA, and formerly, the EPF. Your ancestry is purebred Pengolian, tracing beyond to Whoot Smackler Whoot, and judging by the X-Ray in our elevator, you fell out of a tree this morning."

Austin could do no more than express "O_O".

"One of your bones is minorly cracked, which would result from a moderate fall. You also have been known to have 1250 coins, judging by our PCS. And why do you have 5 RDA Blasters that we sold to a criminal yesterday?"

Austin sat there, stunned. But what really stunned him was something behind Tern 004. It was a penguin's body lying on an operating table. It was... It was....

"XTUX'S BODY? WHAT THE HECK IS THAT DOING HERE?"

Tern004 flashed an evil grin, then asked a strange question.

"Do you know why your taxes have been increasing lately?" before regaining his composure. "Never mind. You are not allowed to know."

Austin was frightened. This guy could basically read his mind, and XTUX'S BODY WAS ON THE TABLE. Unless he was mistaken, they were doing something with him... Rebooting him?

Austin didn't care. This place was terrifying.

Quickly, he ran back to the elevator and hit F2. When he left, Tern004 was still smiling evilly.

The elevator zoomed down again, and stopped at the second floor. The door opened into an identical hallway.

However, this one had two rooms. Austin headed to the left room, and hoped there wasn't another tern in there. In there was a firing range. Three RDA troopers were pelting targets. Austin was amused to see pictures of the Hochstadt Gang on them, but still shaken from that meeting with Tern004. He went up to one of the troopers.

"Hey. Do you possibly know where the information services are?"

The trooper saluted, recognizing Austin. "Yes sir! The information services are on Floors Three, Five, and Seven. The barracks is at Floor Four, and the Lunch hall is at Six. Eight is the armory. As for Floor Nine, there are experiments. Floor Ten is heavily guarded data. Herbert's not the only one that tapped into the PSA and EPF mainframes! They haven't caught us, either."

Both smirked.

"As for Floor 11, sir... Well, nobody really knows what's down there."

Austin nodded. "Very good, trooper. What's your number? You've been VERY helpful."

The trooper recited "I am Trooper 1655, Private First Class, Delta Squadron, Stationed in CP Base."

Austin thought about it for a second. "How many troopers reside here?"

The trooper pulled a small EPF Phone resembling gadget out of his player card. "Currently, around 30. Troopers 1640 to 1670."

"Thanks."

The RDA Base-2

Austin waddled back to the elevator. As the elevator went down to Floor 3, he thought about this place.

Wow, an RDA BASE here? Of all places. The door opened again to another metal hallway. This one had three rooms. As he waddled down the corridor, he saw that there was a Tern sitting at a desk, and the others had files. Austin took a deep breath and walked up to the Tern. Luckily, there was nothing behind this tern.

"Hello, my name is Tern006. How may I help you?" he said in a bored voice. Austin asked for files on the Hochstadt Gang. 30 minutes later, he was disheartened. These files were all old 2009 files! He already knew they rescued Yilk and that Piper shot SN! Angrily, he stomped out of the floor, slamming the door behind him.

Austin decided he might as well visit the barracks. The elevator dinged, and opened to a steel hall (again). Austin walked into see four large rooms extending from the hallway. In all rooms were blue stasis chambers.

Austin remembered hearing Java telling how they worked. Most penguins slept standing up, but in these you stood up and automatically fall asleep. Then, it would awaken you when it sensed you had enough sleep. Austin was mildly interested to see several troopers all sleeping in the chambers. He looked around. On the walls were pictures of singers, famous penguins, Swiss Ninja, and Valdornore.

Wow. Not every clone was exactly the same.

Austin walked back to the elevator and zoomed down to floor 5. With a ding, the door opened. This floor was just one very large room instead of an amount of small ones. In there, it was like a library. Books everywhere. Was that a Naughtzee propaganda paper?

Austin went to the computer and tried talking to it. "Please have voice code or something like that." The computer activated (luckily) and Austin searched again. Ah, so close!

This floor had the Traveling All of Antarctica book, completely new, and some records on the Gang, but not much else. Austin sat down and read the book. They totally portrayed him as a villian! He was very indignant. He was a neutralist, and they knew it! Austin angrily threw the book at the picture of Clovis on the floor. It bounced off, and Austin walked back to the elevator.

As the elevator went down again and opened, there was a RDA scientist in there, holding a glass of... X Antibody fluid? Austin stared at him.

"N-n-no," he said when Austin asked him, "This is just... Err.... Sciency stuff that you wouldn't understand."

Austin was annoyed.

When the door opened, there was a large kitchen, which was divided into 6 parts. 4 of them were the food places, and 2 were the kitchen. In there were 3 RDA Troopers and 2 Terns cooking. Austin suddenly remembered that yesterday, the only thing he had eaten was a raw fish he caught at the dock by jumping in on top of it. "Err, can I have something?"

The tern nodded. "Would you like a SN Slushie? They're colored blue, and they have little crowns on the cups.

Austin rolled his eyes. "Uh, no."

The tern thought for a bit. "May I suggest a SN Cooked Fish? We put blue food coloring on the fish."

Austin glared at him.

"I want a DECENT MEAL, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

The tern backed away. "I'm sorry, sir. I'm just offering what we have. I guess you can try the generic food bar. 18 nutrients and vitamins in one small fish shaped bar!"

Austin thought about it. "yeah, can I have one of those?"

The tern gave an evilish grin and handed one to Austin, and for some reason the RDA Troopers were laughing.

Austin went over at a table and sat for a bit. Than he bit the food bar.

"YEACHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he cried as he spat it out. "THIS STUFF IS HORRIBLE!!! WHAT'D YOU DO, CRAM 15 VITAMINS TOGETHER IN A FUNNY SHAPE AND CALL IT FOOD?!?" he cried as he started marching towards the Tern, who was currently laughing.

Austin threw the food at the Tern, but he dodged it. Enraged, he entered the kitchen. "Hey!" the Tern yelled. "You can't be in here!" he said as Austin walked up to the cupboard, grabbed a SN Cooked fish and left. On the way out, Austin yelled at the terns.

On the elevator trip, Austin was increasingly angry. First, he couldn't go any further. Second, that fish bar was DISGUSTING! Third... Err, he was just mad. As the door clicked open, he angrily stomped out. This room was filled with computers. Austin looked around. In there were various files, reports, stats, and a giant monitor hanging from the ceiling. A Tern walked up to him. "I presume you want new files on the Hochstadt Gang? I saw you on video in the above library. He pointed to a screen. Austin nodded. "If so, where are they?" he said.

The tern sat back in the chair. This one had sunglasses and a suitcoat. "Oh. Those? Those are probably at Floor 10, sir. I'm afraid to get further, you must have permission from SN."

Austin walked away, back to the elevator.

Experiments, Data, and Freeze Rays

Hmm. Would he go to the armory? Nah, he had plenty of weapons. And armor was for cowards who couldn't take a hit. He sat in the elevator. But instead of clicking a button, he observed it closely. On the roof were two bars. On the sides were flipper-holds.

Austin grabbed a flipper hold and pulled himself up on it. Then, he leapt to the roof bars and managed to hold on. Below him, a RDA Scientist walked in with a strange black liquid.

Austin waited for him to press Floor 9. The scientist pressed Floor 9. Instantly, Austin dropped down on top of him, and with one smack to the neck, he knocked him out.

Ha. They didn't teach you that anywhere but Pengolia.

Suddenly, the black liquid spilled all over, and Austin realized what it was.

"X VIRUS?!?" he shrieked. That stuff was pretty much deadly to him. If he caught it.... Well, all he knew was that it was bad.

Austin leapt onto the rail, and then held on to the roof. As the door opened, several scientists came running in.

"Look at this! Scientist 1965 has been knocked out, and the X-Virus spilled. Boys, clean this up."

The scientists ran out, came back in with hand held vaccum cleaners, and wiped it up.

"Scientist 1965 has been contaminated... So, we'll have to give him a vacation leave until his X-Antibody is gone."

Austin's flippers started slipping. Panicked, he tried flipping up and grabbing it with his other limbs. It didn't work. His flippers slipped off right as he caught it. Austin was hanging upside down, over the scientists.

Finally, all of them left except for 1, who clicked "F10". Austin dropped down on top of him. The scientist saw him and panicked. He raised a hatch with a large red button. Quickly, Austin smacked him with a fish and knocked him over and away from it. Then he punched him across the beak and did the nerve smack again.

As the door to F10 opened, he walked out, hurridly grabbing the scientist. He found a closet and stuffed him upside down into it. Then, he went over to the computer.

"Computer, I want fresh files on the Hochstadt Gang."

The computer responded.

"YES"

Several sheets printed out. Austin leapt for joy when he read the dates. YESTERDAY! THE SSS HAD REPORTS FROM YESTERDAY! He punched the air. All the Hochstadts, like Jock, Fisch, Piper, Gottfried, Yilk, and Fuut-Ga were all in CP, on a cultural server, STAYING WITH SENSEI! YES! YES! YES! He grabbed the files and stuffed them into his inventory. Then, several scientists came in with electric prods, cutting off his celebration.

"We're sorry sir, but even though you have a high rank, you cannot be allowed to this floor or the next. We apologize, but we have to knock you out, memory wipe you, and throw you out of here. These lower floors are not allowed for most. Austin glared at him. "I'm better than most."

Then, he grabbed an experimental weapon off the wall.

The scientists all recoiled.

"DON'T TOUCH THAT!" they all yelled.

Austin pointed it at them.

"YAAAAAA! EAT WHATEVER THIS IS!" he yelled as he shot it at them. It shot a ray of ice, and it froze a scientist.

"AHA! FREEZE RAY!" he screeched as they ran after him. He shot once, but it froze a cabinet. "SIR, YOU'RE DAMAGING THE BASE!" one cried as Austin froze him.

Austin didn't care. NOBODY was going to electric prod him. After all of them were frozen (and left on the floor unceremoniously), he ran back to the elevator where one cowering scientist stood. He screamed a girly scream when Austin walked up to him. "DON'T HURT ME SIR I'LL DO EVERYTHING YOU WOULDN'T HURT A GUY WITH GLASSES WOULD YOU?"

Austin rolled his eyes. "Look, just get me to floor eleven. Then, you can leave and you won't get knocked out. And it doesn't hurt."

The scientist fearfully nodded, and clicked F11. The elevator door dinged open, and Austin snuck in.

The Eleventh Floor

There was a long corridor with six rooms sticking off it. At the end of the corridor was a large door. Austin crept down the corridor, and quietly hid behind the first door, trying to see through.

"Sir, our Cyborgic RDA Trooper isn't doing too well. I'm afraid the Third Flipper experiment must be ended. Do me a favor and take that off the trooper."

"Yes, sir." said another voice of a nasally scientist.

Austin thought. Maybe there were just secret experiments down here. He crept down another door and looked through the window. In here was a scientist with a ray gun and several civilians. "Now this won't hurt a bit. All I'm doing is erasing your memory of this base. Then I'm going to send you out of here."

Austin moved on. Nothing interesting there. The third door on the left side was slightly more interesting.

"Sir, the RDA Gun Two is almost finished. Once we mass produce these, the RDA will be great. These shoot Snowzer Cheese grenades, Ditto Grenades, Ditto Snowballs, and Deletion rays. We had to take out the Flamethrower."

Austin crept slowly towards the third door on the right. In there were several scientists designing... Wow, was that a Triple X blueprint? It sure looked like it. Stealthily, he crawled across the floor towards the second door on the right. Suddenly, one of the doors on the left opened. Panicked, Austin ran into the room and closed the door. In here was one scientist, designing...hey, those looked like the Info Gathering robots that he saw on the black market! The scientist looked up as Austin pulled the Freeze Ray out of his player card.

"This won't hurt a bit."

The scientist fell over, frozen.

Austin checked to see if the other one was gone, and then he crept along to the last door on the right. In there was nothing interesting, just attack plans. He already knew those. Swiss Ninja was planning to take over a few more small islands. He ran along to the last door, and opened it without restraint. Luckily, there wasn't anyone in there. He hid behind a bin, right as several scientists came out of a smaller room attached to this one.

"Are we all agreed that the X Virus Prototype is ready?"

All the scientists agreed.

"Okay. We'll test this on Trooper 1567."

Trooper 1567, apparently, was sleeping on the table.

The head scientist gassed him with the strange liquid.

"Okay, now we just wait for a while."

Ten minutes later of intense waiting, the RDA trooper started stirring. Some black goo shot out, and then reformed into a X Antibody.

The scientist walked up to it. "You are going to serve SN, with all your will. Correct?"

The X Antibody looked at the scientist.

"Err, I'm afraid not. I AM Swiss Ninja with all my will. Go get me a drink."

The scientists all moaned. "Great, not again!"

"I WANT MY DRINK! You fools!"

The X-Antibody shot dark rays of energy out of it's flippers and knocked out the scientists. Then it ran to the locked door. He shot fire out of his flipper and cut a hole in the door.

"I shall go to the coffee parlor now."

Then the antibody bounded across the room, down the hallway, and left up the elevator.

Austin stared. Then, he realized what was going on around him. Red lights were flashing, and sirens were blaring. Quickly, he ran to the elevator and hit F1. Unluckily, on F2, the elevator stopped and opened.

Tern004 and several RDA Troopers held their guns up at Austin.

"Sir," he said with disdain, "it doesn't matter how high you're ranked. You can't do things like that. You know too much. Stand down, drop your weapons, we'll brainwash you, none of this ever happened.

Austin shook his head. "ABSOLUTELY NOT."

Tern004 raised his gun, set to deletion, and then....

In the blink of an eye, Austin pulled out the freeze ray and shot him. The RDA Troopers didn't do anything. Austin looked surprised.

"I was kind of expecting to go down like that."

Most of the RDA troopers laughed.

"What, Tern004? We all hate his guts. Look, you can go. Lots have us have been down to the lower floors. The main reason they keep them classified is because... Well, some of this stuff would cause a major outrage. We'll let you out if you don't tell anyone. You tell anyone, we drag you back here and brainwash you."

Austin agreed, and set off up the elevator.