The Absurd Mission/Chapter 2

Chapter Two: A New Place, New Challenges

As Austin set foot onto the shore of CP, he was confronted by two suited members with sunglasses, ties, and fake wigs. There was a thin male penguin with a fedora and sunglasses, and a stun gun, and a female penguin with a blonde wig and a long tie.

"Registration please?" said the male.

"Yes. I'm Austin."

"Home country?"

"Snowzerland."

"Snowzerland? You know they're EVILLLL, dude. Especially the king and his advisors, dude. That one who took out Fire Sensei was NOT COOL, DUDE. You like Snowzerland, dude?" said the male.

"Stop saying 'dude'. You're annoying me." said Austin, thoroughly angry by now. "You wanna know what? Look at these pictures."

He flicked out a picture of Fire Sensei being owned, and not in a legal manner.

"WHOAHHHH, DUDE. WHERE'D YOU GET PICTURES OF THAT?!?"

"I did it."

The blood drained from the EBUL Sentry's face.

"You....you...you're...HIM?!?"

He blew a horn, and laser sights covered Austin and several serious looking penguins with ban guns came.

"Si-si-sir, h-h-he's Austin8310! There's a huge bounty on him in the Club ever since that incident with Fire Sensei! They're offering over nine thousand coins on his head!"

"WHAT?!? NINE THOUSAND?" cried Austin as several furious Ninjas emerged from the shadows.

"Take 'em in." said the leader, a large blue penguin with shades and a stun gun. He pointed his gun at Austin.

"Good night."

Austin looked and saw hundreds of projectiles speeding at him... And all was black.

Club Penguin EPF Holding Cells, February 20

Austin woke up. He was in a hard, cold stone cell with a metal floor. After laying on the floor for several minutes, he looked around and saw various messages on the wall like "EBUL SUX". He had a bad feeling about where he was.

"Where am I....?"

A harsh voice cracked the delicate silence.

"Prison, punk. You're the guy who nailed Fire Sensei a while back."

Austin sat up in the hard, cold cell.

"Yeah, and what if I am?!? You're one of those EPF softies.."

The EPF Agent furiously pointed his stun gun at Austin.

"Listen up, punk. You're in JAIL. I'm NOT."

Austin, through a bruised eye, saw the guard twitch.

"You're a softie agent. Pfft. You wimps fight an ugly polar bear. Even my SISTER is better than that."

"STOP INSULTING ME!" screamed the agent. "It's harder than it looks and HE'S always screwing things up!"

"You agents are weenies."

"EAT THIS!" cried the enraged agent, and he hit Austin with the stun gun. Austin fell to the floor, hitting the wall and sliding down to the floor.

Two Days Later

Austin woke up and looked up. He was still in the same cell. In the same building. What time was it? He couldn't even tell. He sighed. He could have been out for days! Maybe even weeks! Swiss would kill him. He had to get out soon.

He looked up at the guard and saw...a green adielie penguin. He looked familiar. Austin decided to try and ask how long he would be in here.

"Hello. How long is my sentence?"

The green penguin looked up. "Oh, it's two months long."

"There must be some way out! Hey, what say you cut a friend loose?"

"No way!"

"Look, I've got a mission to do."

"OH, NO. I'M NOT LETTING YOU OUT. It's probably another 'mission' like what you did to Sensei."

"No, it's not! That was Swiss Ninja's idea!"

The green penguin paused. "Wait, you know him?"

Austin nodded.

Suddenly, Austin realized who he was talking to.

"HEY! Aren't you like, John44?!?"

"Yeah, I am! You're Austin8310. It would be good to see you, but, well, the circumstances aren't very good here."

"Listen. I REALLY have to get out of here. I have 100,000 in my bank account. I'll let you have it all if you get me out of here."

John gasped. ".....one h-hundred.... THOUSAND.... coins? ......."

Austin grinned and nodded. "Yeah. Just go to the bank and we'll be good."

The cell door opened immediately and Austin rushed out, thanking his now rich friend. He'd have plenty of time to get some more money.

January 23

Austin walked through the snows of CP. He was heading down towards the underground, where he might find some decent mercenaries. It was a rather nice day. The sun was bright, the snow was fresh, and there were bustling penguins throuought the place.

Walking towards the Mine, he noticed something new. "Ey, what's that?" he said to a nearby non-member. "That? Dude, are you like, completely new? That's the Recycling Center."

Austin walked closer and read the little plaque on the door.

"RECYCLING CENTER-SPONSERED BY RDA"

Austin walked away, mildly amused.

Two hours later, he had scoped the underground, and the mines, and, well, found nobody capable of even shooting a gun. Sighing, he relaxed against a cart. It felt nice and cool. Heck, he might as well get in. He got into the cart. His weight started lurching the cart forward.

"HEY, WHOA, WHAAA?" he cried as it started flying down the rails. Austin saw a turn coming, panicked, and tried to turn the cart. He managed to just turn it in time before he smashed into the wall. He screeched as it hurtled towards walls, and he fell out. Whoever made this was absolutely crazy. Finally, after a very unenjoyable experience, he got out of the cart. A bored looking EBUL official looked at him.

He stared at Austin, and in a bored voice said "You have earned 30 coins."

Austin decided that he was never touching a mine cart ever again. After a while, Austin decided he would head over towards the Plaza to see what there was. Once he was in the plaza, he looked around. There were three large buildings. One was labeled "Pizza Parlor." He had been there. It was kind of a boring place, with it's classical music and droll couples talking. It reminded him of balls at Swiss's palace. He hated those.

The other one was labeled "The Stage." He looked up and read "The Penguins that Time Forgot." Austin felt bored, so he entered. In there were several amatuers with costumes trying to do it. It looked pretty unprofessional. There was a short guy with a director hat, yelling "CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT!" and a caveman arguing with a guy with a hat. Austin was throughly uninterested, and he exited. The final building was called the "Pet Shop". Austin recoiled. He didn't really like puffles. After knowing Piper J. Cub, he had never really felt a liking to those fuzzy creatures. He entered anyway.

In the room was a scene of utmost disgust. Several Mwa Mwa Penguins were all running around, screaming, yelling, drooling, and being stupid. The few puffles that were actually in there were terrified, and at the edges of the cage. A large explosion came out of nowhere, and several Mwa Mwa penguins were hurled against the walls. There were resounding cracks, and they ran off, screeching. Out of the dust emerged Flywish. He stopped, looked, and recognized Austin.

"Hey, Austin. I didn't know you were around CP?"

Austin sighed. "Generally, I'm not. What're you doing in a place like this?" Flywish grinned. "Watch this."

Flywish charged at an ugly Mwa Mwa penguin in the corner, grabbed her by the cheap wig, and flung her out of the Pet Shop's window. It smacked the window, and ran out. Flywish smiled. The puffles jumped and down, rejoicing with resounding, merry squeaking noises.

"I'm purging this place of these hideous creatures. For these poor puffles' sakes. It's kind of a hobby."

Austin seemed a bit bewildered, but then he pitched the offer. "Well, you certainly have fighting skills. Would you help me fight against a couple of my enemies for a bit of pay?"

Flywish thought about it. "Certainly." he said. Austin and him chatted some more, and then Austin left.

---

The hunt for mercenaries continued. Austin found himself passing the Snow Forts and then into the Town. It was crowded, but not with anything worth offering a job. Austin looked at the buildings.

The Coffee Shop was certainly out of the question, and the Gift Shop was held up by EBUL. Seeing no other option and seeking to satisfy some boredom, Austin entered the Night Club.

He immediately found himself surrounded by assorted dancing penguins. Loud music blasted through the air as penguins, some talented and some awful, strut their stuff on the dance floor.

"Finally, something interesting!" Austin noted.

Night Club

He walked onto the disco tiles and had the other dancers give him room. He then began a sequence of dance moves that blew the other penguins away. For about half an hour, Austin continued cutting the rugh in front of the cheering crowds, ranging from disco to an old Pengolian step dance (the one with the squatting and the kicking and the "HEY!" arm gesture thing with the fuzzy hats).

Someone looked up his player card for his name, and soon, the entire Night Club was filled with chanting.

"AUSTIN! AUSTIN! AUSTIN! AUSTIN!"

Finishing his awesomeness with one last kick and "HEY", he stopped and took in the cheering of the group. He received dozens of friend requests, though he turned them all down. He didn't really know anyone, and he wasn't really all too social.

An EBUL employee, sitting next to the Dance-Off table, went over to Austin. He actually had a personality.

"Normally, you have to sign onto the Dance Contest to get paid, but dude, that was some of the most radical dancing I've seen since the Amoeba fad. You have earned three hundred coins."

"Don't mind if I do!" Austin said with a cheesy grin, taking the money and stashing it away in his inventory.

Austin turned to the exit as the crowds pleaded for him not to go. He was enjoying every minute of this. Exiting the night club, he decided to continue on his way to find some mercenaries. This place was actually pretty good... Swiss's mission could wait a bit. First, he was going to explore this place.