Doctor John Barrbuh
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| Minister of Health, Doctor John Barrbuh | |
|---|---|
 The government sure appoints some creepy politicians. | |
| Profile | |
| Title | Minister of Health |
| Gender | Male |
| Race | Emperor penguin |
| Faction | Loves surgery. |
| Health | He helps with YOUR health. |
| Level | Surgery. |
| Status | Licensed to practice surgery. |
| Location | Executive Cabinet |
Doctor John Barrbuh is the current Minister of Health in the Executive Cabinet. He is the supreme doctor of all in the USA, and thus directly controls the medical fields.
He has an odd obsession with surgery, preferring it to any other form of medicine, sort of like a certain nun feels about needles.
Background
Doctor John Barrbuh hatched into a poor family with little money. At a young age, he took up an interest in medicine because of the soap operas his mother watched (via free analog antennas). He liked it, especially when the actors cut things up. He decided to do something with his life, and he did indeed, heading on to medical school and passing with an A+, plus a warrant for a full-time supervisor to follow him whenever he is practicing medicine, so he doesn't prescribe surgery when he only has to give a refill for prescriptions.
Surgery is John's passion and his greatest skill. He practices surgery, with over three hundred operations under his knife yearly, whilst claiming "the nastier the better". So far, he's been a very good surgeon, but he has to be monitored when practicing. The sight of pointy items fills him with glee, so he has to keep a steady flipper. Among his greatest works in surgery was a full heart and spleen transplant (all at once), a digestive system clearing, and the repairing of a black puffle's combustion organs without the puffle exploding.
He was eventually banned from issuing prescriptions and diagnosing patients (he always recommended surgery), and his supervisor, who is now issuing the prescriptions, tells him what he should do, leaving his job purely for recommendations, administration, government, and surgery.
Involvement
As Minister of Health, Dr. Barrbuh's job is to administer and set health standards, warnings, issue compulsory vaccinations, and other things applied to the entire medical community. All doctors answer to him, but he answers to the President, who answers to the Legislature (and courts). He also performs surgery. LOTS AND LOTS of surgery.
However, ever since his supervisor took his job of prescribing creatures, he can't really do much in his job, so hospitals continue to run themselves. Nonetheless, he could clap his flippers and change that at a moment's notice.
Quotes
- Swollen beak? You need surgery.
- A nasty cough? Hmm... you need surgery.
- You can't stop talking? Yes... you need surgery.
- You're a member of the Von Injoface family? Suurrrggeerryyy.
- You can't stop twitching? Surgery.
- Why do I like surgery, you ask? That's because it's surgery.
- No one has ever died due to my surgery. Except the time I did surgery on a ghost. Hmm, he was already dead. Yes child, you CAN do surgery on a ghost.
- No, I'm not allowed to diagnose patients. That would be because the medical community hates surgery.
- Band-aid? No, child... you need surgery.
- Healthy??...EXTRA surgery
Prescriptions
When accepting his position
Reporter: Doctor Barbuhh, as Minister of Health, what is your top priority?
Doctor Barrbuh: As Minister of Health, I promise to make surgery as safe, effective, affordable, and efficient as possible.
Reporter: What about the rest of medicine?
Doctor Barrbuh: Hmm... yes... leave it as it is. We need to make surgery more available.
Reporter: ...
Patient: Doctor, I've been having this pain on my flipper for days.
Doctor Barrbuh: Hmm... I see... yes... it's a mild rash. You need surgery.
Patient: WHAT?!? SERIOUSLY? NO!
Doctor Barrbuh: Fine... rub lotion on your feathers and preen them daily. Or, you could always take surgery.
Patient runs out and screams
Patient: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! Who is scarier, him or Mabel !!!???
Doctor Barrbuh: You can run child, but you can't escape surgery!!!
Fudd
Doctor Barrbuh is really good at his job.
Though he is terrifyingly frightening, his surgery does work. Sometimes, it works all too well. Like the time that penguin could not stop talking, he fixed the problem (by removing their vocal cords).
Doctor Barrbuh famously performed neurosurgery on Fudd Lapooh, who had been suffering from insane depression. The operation was a complete success; in fact, it was too complete. Sadness was erased from Fudd's subconscious set of emotions. Now, he's HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY, all the stinking time. Have a HAPPY day.
Trivia
- He tends to address everyone as "child".
- He punctures his speech with random instances of "hmm..." and "yes...", much like Ninjinian does with the word "cookie".
- He talks in a low, calm voice, but pronounces surgery strangely.
- Whenever he is narrated, surgery is italicized.
- He is a parody of Doctor Barber, from the show, "Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack".
- He really likes surgery.
- He used to work at a fast food restaurant drive-through, but he was fired after this famous scene:
Customer: Hi, I'll take a burger, a small fry, and a soda.
Doctor John Barrbuh: You want surgery with that.
Customer:Wait, WHAT?!?
Doctor John Barrbuh:Yes...you get free surgery chi-
Customer steeps on a gas pedle, making a noise like SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEE......................
Boss: You're FIRED!!!
Doctor John Barrbuh: Hello there, child, how about some suuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy...?
Boss screams, runs out the door, and chases after the customer's car
Boss: WAIT FOR ME CUSTOMER!!! TAKE ME WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! I BEG OF YOU, PLEASE!!!
After this, his boss provided him with the money to earn a job at his hospital, where he allegedly excitedly shouted sssuuuuuurrrggggggeeeerrrrrrrrryyyy in a deeper version of his voice after hearing the news.
- When he first entered the practice of medicine, Doctor Barrbuh used a technique similar to this in order to cure a patient's irrational Aulophobia. It worked.
- He is the #1 reason why many penguins are afraid of doctors.