Feedback-ed
 |
This tale has been told! It's done! |
 |
Back...to the Future! Feedback-ed describes events that will happen in the Future, as researched by the Time Agency. Be aware that these events may not fully exist in the present. Though they may be confirmed to exist, the future can change... |
| Feedback-ed | |
|---|---|
| [[{{{image}}}|220px]] | |
| Info | |
| Progression |
Feedback-ed is a scenario that happens, one way or another, in every iteration of CPFW. The events of the it in the main timeline (the one recorded here) are shown.
Prologue: In Which Heat Death Becomes Apparent to the Omega Terminal
The Omega Terminal is the backup master control of the universe, residing in The Forbidden Vault. It has a fully functional, stable AI that has seen everything from every angle and perspective. It is, in effect, second only to the Board of Fiction when it comes to ultimately accepting or rejecting all plot-significant events in the universe, particularly the events of this story.
It found solace in its existence by pondering the deepest mysteries of the universe;
Who are The Ones? What are they like?
Why did both man and penguin add a setting to toasters that burns the toast to a degree that only someone from Waffland would dare eat?
And what were Rsnails drinking when they came up with the idea of strapping themselves to those things?
It was Omega Terminal's endless pondering that caused the events of this story came to pass. *All thoughts by the Omega Terminal do not use speech marks.* Way back in 1946, when the BOF was mostly analog and the Omega Terminal used technology that has just been invented, the Omega Terminal eventually led its eternal train of thought into the origins of the CPFW, the Board of Fiction, and all the world as their little denizens knew it.
I am a finite entity at the disposal of The Ones, serving at their leisure and existing because they willed it.
With the application of edited text, all of this could come to an end. I know that The Ones age, and in their upper years, they see us as immature and not worth their effort.
Our existence, then relies on the recruitment of more of The Ones to rule onwards.
What are we but simple toys to their infinite power?
If recruitment slows, we could cease to be written, for even the Masters have masters.
Hmm, that's a sobering thought, a very sobering one indeed. The terminal thought to itself.
If the Ones failed to act in keeping the power if storytelling alive, this wiki would become redundant and eventually die out altogether. The terminal thought, and came to the decision that it would be altogether more lively to cause some reversal event to happen, it thought and formulated a plan.
Chapter 1: Where Project X Mark 1 is Tasked with Being the Omega Terminal's Assistant
Project X Mark 1, living in the Department of Time, had always served the Bureau well. He never made it big, but his job meant the world to him. He did it with brilliance and efficiency that earned him praise and glory from everyone he worked with.
Imagine the Bureau's suprise when, in the winter of 2035, they found he had gone missing! Indeed, Project X Mark 1, who never missed a day of work, suddenly vanished from the face of the BOD. Only the Board knew his whereabouts, but the Vault was too important for any mere mortal to hear.
Project X Mark 1 had been taking a stroll in the Bureau of Fiction's Film Archives (within the Department of Surveillance), when he discovered a giant flippin' wall of keyholes. He was wondering whether he should try and break into the impenetrable seal, when a voice spoke "Well, look who it is, exactly who I was 'hoping' for." The wall shuddered slightly, a tunnel appeared from within the wall. "Come on in, I have a job for you, it may take some time." X considered, then simply got teleported inside before he could react, the tunnel closing behind him.
He was in a room, 8m3 exactly, made entirely of a greyish-green stone. It looked unused for millenia, but it had no trace of a cobweb, the room was completely sterile. He then realized he was on the floor and got up. X took in his surroundings much clearer, near where he assumed the door was there was what looked like a miniature TeleNet with what looked like an inactive tranceiver attached, on the other side to that was one of the first telephones, on a shelf near the back was a huge book, X thought it had roughly 4,894 pages, and finally right at the back there was a huge computer, a mass of punched tape spinning through decoders, no less than 20 large hard disks, and several moniters. X concluded that this computer must be very old indeed, he had seen something like it in a photo he found whilst universe hopping, he noted it's similarity to a computer used in a different universe he had visited briefly and loathed, the computer in question had been used to decode cleverly scrambled messages in a war. Suddenly, a voice came from a speaker.
"I'm sorry I had to do that. Where are my manners these days?"
"Really? You're a computer." X replied, the speaker was connected to an outlet from the collosus of a computer.
"Yes, good observation, I am indeed a computer, well, an AI to be exact."
"I see."
"Anyway, where have my manners gone again? Seriously, I sometimes cannot keep up with my own file structure. I am the Omega Terminal, the closest you will ever get to seeing anything with the deific might of The Ones."
"So are you like... A master terminal?"
"Precisely, I keep the universe in order when everyone in high places- even the Board of Fiction -are out goofing off or doing their own tasks. Since the Board is usually on the clock, I never get action. Until today!"
"So do you want me to help you in that?"
"No. I have a much shorter term plan in mind for you." The Omega Terminal told X its plan, and to be its assistant in carrying out these plans. It also gave X permission to use all the items in the room he was in, but warned him about looking around its file structure, but told him that it was ever-changing and by the time he had found something he wanted it would have moved somewhere else.
Chapter 2: In Which X Cooks the Emotiville Books
The first task X was assigned to was to get himself kitted out. A certain company would be of great assistance to him, but it had to be coaxed into existance by him. X went into standby for several years on instruction by the Omega Terminal, when he got up he was told that the Ponderer that represented EmotiVille in the South Pole Council had died and an election was taking place at that moment, and he was to be the one to rig it. X was given a huge stack of ballot papers, all with a name marked on them, "Johnny Cavern". Johnny Cavern was a special Emoticon spawned retroactively by the omnipotent OT to serve the one purpose of permanently advancing its agenda.
"Just a quick question, how did you get these?" X asked before he left.
The only reply the Omega Terminal gave was "When you have existed since the dawn of time, you can forge handwriting to perfection."
South Pole City, still bustling like it did fifty years ago, thrived with eager voters. It was election day in the city and campaign posters were everywhere. Unbeknown to the grand city a tall, shaded figure was here. X leaned against an alley wall, it smelt of cactus juice. Just on the other side of the street was one of the polling stations, tonight he was to sneak in and stuff the boxes that were being shipped in from Emotiville, removing legitimate votes in exchange for Johnny Cavern.
"What could be simpler?" X thought to himself, with mild sarcasm. He was not quite confident in the Omega Terminal'splan. "Oh well, I got a program to execute, and it needs a compiler."
X waited, silently, for night to fall. When it came he waited for the polling station to close and the roads to silence. When that happened he slipped silently out of the alley, crossed the road with the stealth of The Director of The PSA and punched the door down. He then proceeded to find the ballot boxes... curses! They had already been moved to the tabulating center.
X returned to The Forbidden Vault, empty handed.
"Good job X, you rigged the votes, but I remember telling you to arrive before voting hours, not after the count!" The Omega Terminal scolded to him as he re-entered the Vault, which was no easy task with the Bureau working force rushing about all over the place.
"Uh, no, I'm confident I arrived at midnight, the voting boxes were moved beforehand." X replied.
"Well, stable time loop anyone?" X thought for a moment, remembering his work in the Department of Time gave him full access to their mighty and stable time machine. Well, it doesn't get power from a fancy-pants black hole or time rifts, but it was reliable nonetheless. He reckoned he could make a decent stable time loop out of this predicament (actually, he has to because the Omega Terminal said he had arrived too late and he doesn't remember it, so it is most likely a future event and therefore he must go back to ensure that event happening in the first place).
"Very well." Was all X said.
X jumped aboard The Invisible Elevator, but not before getting the date of the election day from the Omega Terminal. The elevator used a remarkable means of crossing universal barriers aswell as time and space, using a technology similar to a Pit Industries Aperture Cannon, it accelerates itself near instantaneously, being 2-Dimensional on the outside it accelerates to near-light speed, then it rotates, very slightly, damaging the apertures and blasting it and everyting inside into spacetime. X set the point in time he wished to go to, 29th May 2054. He was going to arrive one hour before voting opened, where he would sneak in and pre-stuff the ballot boxes. A moment later he was stepping out into the alley he had been in a few minutes earlier (or several hours later, whichever way you look at it). This time he took the sewer, knowing it would be dangerous to waddle across the busy road even before rush-hour, and came up on the other side. He had already used up half an hour, he had to get some boxes stuffed quickly, or the success of a plan would be jeopardised. So, as swiftly as he could, he ballot-stuffed the two boxes dispatched from Emotiville, then left, silently as he could.
Chapter 3: Where X Sets Off a Chain of Events Which Ultimately Cause Project Aperture
X went into standby again, waking up in 2060, where the Omega Terminal told him his next sub-task to get himself kitted-out. This included making one of the saddest parts of this story, "terminating" the very Emoticon that he had rigged the votes to instate. He received a scrap of paper and some strong pliers, he was also shown some dates to set into The Invisible Elevator, Christmas Eve 2060 and January 3rd 2060. On the latter date he was told to cut the brakes, using the pliers, on the car with the number plate "GH3 AHF", on the former he was told to slip the scrap of paper into a design office in South Pole City. X did as told, and the very same day he heard about the death of the poor delegate. He arrived at the design building at midnight, his note also said "22nd from the west, 4th from the north, floor 20.". X assumed that this meant the desk to leave the note on. After a tiring walk up the stairs (the lift was lowered and turned off every night) he reached floor 20, placed the note, and left.
X heard after a years dormancy that Project Aperture was complete.
"I think you will need these."
The Omega Terminal produced a Pit Industries Aperture Cannon.
What had happened after the note was planted was as follows:
- The following morning the note was discovered, it showed some simple scetches of two holes, it displayed if one object went into one, it would come out of the other, these holes were in turn shot from a gun.
Note: This section will be finished in time, but for now we must get on with the story.
Chapter 4: In Which the Emperor if Unoriginality Realizes He Is Being Made Redundant
While all of the messing about with playing the cue ball, setting events in motion, another force, the Cube of Cliche was, through its cliche connections to all narration devices, learning the Omega Terminal's plan to hold and fight the slow recruitment by aging The Ones. The cube used the knowledge that it already had, the Omega Terminal being superior and overly more powerful than it and the Omega Terminal was trying to go against the wishes and natural succession of The Ones, seemed to classify it as a villain, that good always triumphs over evil, that it was a force of good (relying on the simple logic that it saved thought from abuse from originality), that good triumphs over evil, and that therefore the Omega Terminal's plan should not succeed if the Cube intervened (deep down it just didn't want to have the job of generating unoriginality being made redundant). So, as in chess, Monopoly, and Scooby-Doo, it came up with a plan.
According to the BOD:
"They are overused, sometimes entertaining (Cliches that are entertaining are Running Gags. To learn more about them, click that link. usually annoying. They are something that you should avoid, because improper use installs redundancy, literary apathy, and boredom.
Coffee and anvils, a perfect combination for an eccentric on a heavily commercialised island. Cpu67 was an eccentric living on said island and he quite enjoyed coffee with anvils. His igloo, a two-story filled with wooden furnishings, had been built from scratch with no help from EBUL. He had gathered all the materials himself, removing chunks from ice shelves and fitting them together using wooden joints. Anyway, Cpu67 was enjoying a nice cup of coffee with anvils in his back garden. Cpu wrote books, mostly steam and cyberpunk novels. His most popular series, The Ice Shelf of Technology, tells the story of an anarcho-capitalist ruled by a mega-corporation where money is incredibly devolved rewards system and, just to cap it all off financially, banks are illegal. But a small group of creatures attempt to overcome the megacorporation in charge of it all, HaloTech, through viruses and bad press with the help of a defective law-enforcing robot.
What all this has to do with this penguin, who knows? I think it fits rather snugly.
Chapter 5: In Which X Starts Work In Earnest
Part 1: TurtleShroom
X crashed into a long abandoned storage room. The year was 2092, X thought as he brushed off some of the rubble that had landed on him. His fists were strong to say the least. With a few good punches he could have taken control of the universe, but he knew his place and he would never usurp the narrator who was telling him to usurp because that would mean he was stuck in a corner because he could just as easily regain control. He had a long walk ahead of him, that's why he had punched in at 11 o-clock in the morning. I mean, you can't exactly move a huge ellipsoid a mile in diameter over half of Antarctica without getting at least one missile wedged in it. He was after a small crate. About the size of one of those boxes with rings that people propose to each other with. However, the box he was after did not contain a ring. That box held one of the most dangerous war machines in the whole of Antarctican history.
Well, he had the box. Now he was at the Clubb Phengin Weekee to use it. It was by now the dead of night and his hydraulics were seizing up again, they had a habit to do that and X recalled that he was going to replace them years ago. Oh well, I guess that's what happens when you have been on standby disguised as an ancient High Penguin obelisk for several decades. He decided for the sake of his mission to lubricate his joints again. After the good 40 minutes it took to finish the lubrication process he set off again.
The Imperial Palace of TurtleShroom Penguin Jones, former dictator of the Weekee, was a sight to behold, I say was because it had been demolished many decades ago, and now a small building stood in its place. TurtleShroom had, against his will, cheated death through mind upload and had, years after his activation, realised he was a computer. You had to be there to witness the chaos that followebutane he had to be unplugged for a while, but in the end it was TurtleShroom ending up in this building that stood before X. He knocked thrice.
"Who is there?" a dreary voice replied from within.
"X, emissary to the emissary of the Sky Programmers creators."
The pixelated TSP on TS AI glared in fury.
"I am here on a recruitment job."
"Wait, so you want me to join you?!"
"Yes, open the door. I'm sure this entire structure is at your command."
The door swung open, the huge mainframe of TurtleShroom loomed over him.
Let me say this right now, kid. The Fourth Window, the Fictions, whatever- they tore my family from this works, killed my uncle, drove my ancestors insane to the brink of destruction, and used them like petty tools.
I will never, EVER work for their evil goons or anything in their name. Now, SCRAM!
TS AI made no mistakes. The message being crystal clear, he decided to take his weapon and recruitment elsewhere.
He knew the plan. He would have personally enjoyed taking him while he was alive but alas, the fact that he died in the Cream Soda Zone was a constant in all universes that he existed in. Well, he had yet another long walk ahead of him. He would find a use for the weapon, eventually.
"AHH! Help! I-" Yelled a full-tower computer case before its speaker cord was cut yanked out.
"Oh shut it, will you? I've tried this fifteen times and they all were scuppered. Give me a break for your own sake and mine." X said, this time he will get this job done. He had had it with the constant foiling, if he had to do this one more time he would punch this pile of ranting silicon to The Spitfire. Then maybe he wouldn't yell so much.
"Never again, am I going to bring such a stubborn, impulsive AI into this vault! I need a rest, don't even think about waking me up." Said X inside the vault, where he put himself on standby for 2 millenia.
Part 2: Swiss Ninja
It turns out that the water ninja had vanished several months ago.
Chapter 5: Where The Cube of Cliche Executes Its Daring Plan
User:Project X Mark 1 sat at his chair, typing away at his keyboard. This story is about to take a turn for the logical metaphysics, he thought. Suddenly the Cube of Cliche materialized behind him.
"Ok, before you even try, you have had the wrong me four times already. Don't think I can't just stop you now, it is sort of getting cliche, ironicly." Project said.
"Well, I'll just keep doing it, just to annoy you." Replied the Cube, who is still quite blind to the fact that it cannot kill the author because it is another unwitting pawn in our endless fun and games. Which I am, albeit in a skip-lots-of-details way, ending right now.
"I made you say that." Project replied.
"But you're not typing."
"Ugh, stop it, I can completely obliterate your form in a few key taps and you know it, the Omega Terminal has approved it preemptively. Or is that another hole in your omniscience that you are completely blind of that you cannot grasp the concept of a metaphysical universe?"
"I have worked it out basically. You and your friends > The Omega Terminal and the Board of Fiction > Me > Masters > BoF Employees."
"That is, for the most part, true. But you forgot us, yet again. Do you not get the flippin' fact that has been in plain sight to the least omniscient beings? I am not the author!"
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"Oh for the love of- Get out for the last time you ignorant shape!" And with that the Cube was eradicated across our omniverse and forevermore originality reigned triumphant over the sue.
| “ | Dive into the darkness. Ignite the flame within. Now there is no turning back. Make the future... begin! | ” |
— Narrator, Bionicle: The Final Battle
|
Chapter 6: In Which Punched Tape Begins To Spin Eternal
At that quote, the Board of Fiction dematerialized. I have provided a handy transcript of the text interface screen of the Omega Terminal.
BOF INACTIVE... CHECKSTART BOARDCHECK... RETURNS FALSE NARRACHECK... RETURNS FALSE ΩTERMCHECK... RETURNS TRUE EMERGANCY PROCEDURE... GO CONTROL REEL A... ACTIVE CONTROL REEL B... ACTIVE CONTROL REEL C... ACTIVE CONTROL REELS AT 15RPM... 20RPM... 500RPM... OPTIMUM1000RPM ASSUMING CONTROL... DONE CALLING ASSIST
X was called immediately. There was work to be done, some old wires to reconnect.
"You called? I've had fun for the past several hundred trillion years."
"Yes, I have aswell, but the time has come again for you to buckle down and do some hard work, we have character users to get here, ASAP!"
"Ah, this is the final stage? That was quick."
"It is not, this is penultimate, you must know by know that in an infinitely prolonged universe there is no such thing as an ultimate end."
They proceeded to connect wires to the other two instruments in the vault, the Eldritch Phone and the Arcane Crucible. With the terminal making remarks like "No, that's the wrong wire. The label must have fallen off." And explanations like "The Arcane Crucible can teleport objects and convert them in their fullest into energy of your choice and vice-versa. It does however have a limited range when not hooked up to me though. When provided with enough energy it can ajust the size and proportions of objects aswell."
They proceeded to recall from the dead and bestow immortality upon every on this wiki. Another TurtleShroom was also summoned, the terminal hoped that at least one of the would be coherent and not ramble at any council they might hold. The vault was, when they were done, included every user on the Wall of Fame and a few others, and X. After some bustle they all settled down.
"Ok, we are going to create a universe that you shall rule. I need some help with it. I have no physical control over the Wutt Energy in the metasphere. I need all of it, every last yottojoule must be collected and brought here. Who is with me?" Only the two TurtleShrooms objected.
"I have said this once before and I will say it again, I will-"
"Shut up, TurtleShrooms!" Yelled X, among others.
"Very well. Mr. Jones, AI Jones, consider yourselves my chess opponents for the while, my skills make Alekhine cry. Alright everyone, I believe X is the only one here with a functional vehicle, so you should pile in and make yourselves comfortable there."
"Alright everyone, this is your captain speaking. We are about to accelaerate to four hundred miles per nanosecond." X said through the ships accouncer. "That is, obviously, very fast, so I would like you all to hold onto something, Tightly with a second capital. Cabin 5G, you're not holding on to anything. That bunk looks very hold-able 6W. Ok, here we go. Three, two, one..."
The Invisible Elevator accelerated to collossal speeds and took off into the metasphere.
Chapter 7: Where The Universe Began For The ∞th Time
After the metasphere was only the abandoned Bureau of Fiction office. X gave up his power source, the last blue-ray matter in existance, to make the universe anew. In order to give you at least some immersion I will provide yet another transcript of the Omega Terminal's text screen:
RCANE SET EVERYTHING EQUAL RCANE LEVEL ∞ RCANE FOCUS INSIDE ON BLUERAY+WUTT RCANE CHANNEL IN Explorer Freddell Antics XIII INT=1x10^-300 RCANE RUN
After that sequence a flash of white occured, and everyone got the universe in the small of the back. The resulting explosion destroyed the Omega Terminal and incinerated everyone's flammables instantly, leaving only feathers, carapace, and other-worldy alloy protecting them. The other three objects, the Tome of Fiction, the Arcane Crucible and the Eldritch Phone, survived. The tome has lost its protections of Wutt and Blue Ray, but the leather bindings had withstood billions upon billions of years of wear and never given up, they would not give up now just because a universe got in their way.
Epilogue
Two Years Later
X reclined in his chair at the controls of The Invisible Elevator. He had been appointed, along with Kwiksilver, to ensure all other universes repeated themselves. Predestination had its way with them as they found out while reading the Tome of Fiction. He had been sent to three random universes so far, and had collected, among other things, a bandolier of fine cheeses. That was his most recent gain from a post-apocalyptic world ruled by aliens with severe cheese allergies. He had an infinitly long road ahead of him.
Four Years Later
Another day passed, they went by quite fast with immortality, he had gained a reputation as a hero in many, universes. They called him Kwik. He would be returning back to the Hall of Wutt now. Explorer had single handedly built it with only a miniscule amount of energy.
Eight Years Later
Zapwire and Andrew K. Rapone sat at their work benches, thermionic valves were a new field to both of them, building a replica Omega Terminal would take its time. Oh well, closing temporal loops was a grand undertaking, on omniversal proportions it took a while, but immortality sorted it.
Sixteen Years Later
X reclined at the controls again, he had been replaced after many thousands of universes by Star Kirby12, he only captained the ship now. X was traveling again, and he enjoyed the pleasure of not having limbs lost every dozen or so universes. Their universe was a fun and leisurely place, he knew it.
The End