Ponyo Fan
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| Ponyo Fan | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Inspiration(s) | RSnails, Screenhogs |
| Developer | Unknown (possibly Icarius SadCo) |
| Publisher | Arcade manufacturer |
| Release dates | |
 |
6/30/2011 |
 |
12/01/2010 |
| Additional info | |
| Genre | Third-person shooter |
| Platform | Arcade console |
| Rating |
"E" for Everyone (RB); "H" for Holy (MVBR) |
Really Ticked Off R-Snails is the greatest selling and highest grossing arcade console in the history of Antarctican gaming. Found in arcades all over the continent and abroad, the game rakes in untold millions of coins and tokens.
If the official story is to be believed, the game was submitted to a small arcade company by an anonymous Dorkugese Penguin in early 2010 and was given teh licensing green light by Snowtendo after the company was overwhelmingly impressed. In conspiracies are to be believed, the game was developed in hi Con, and various minions of Mister Icarius placed arcade machines throughout Antarctica. When nerds and no-lifes flooded the arades the next morning, they found it, and made it a new smash hit... emphasis on smash.
Plot
According to the intro screen on the arcade game, the plot centers around multiple greedy Screenhogs that were jealous of the ability of RocketSnails to use advanced and speedy methods of travel, while they were left in the dust, literally and figuretively, using nothing but their feet.
Screenhog- THE Screenhog, not a Screenhog -devises a cunning plan to level the playing fields. In the dead of night, he orders whole armadas of little piggies to swipe the propulsion from the sleeping snails. They wake up in the morning to realize they could no longer move like they once could. Their rockets were untied, their steam engies shut, the uranium moved, and the solar panels stripped.
RSnail- THE RSnail, not a RSnail -immediately took measures to mobilize his own group of RocketSnails to counter the theft of the Screenhogs. Since snails were so slow, the Screenhogs erected fortresses, ramparts, and great walls to separate themselves from any retaliation.
RSnail sought the help of Dara, who concocted a sinisterly sadistic idea for breaking through. They were going to use a catapult. (It's miserable for the snails and the swine.)
Now, armed with a ridiculously painful weapon and a determination like no other, the player's job is to throw RocketSnails at walls and hope that their collisions will take out the Screenhogs within. No, really: that's it.
Gameplay
The arcade game features a few buttons, a slider, and a joystick.
Players control the RocketSnail's catapult. Using the big joystick, they calibrate the catapult's angle of trajectory (e.g. high, low, in the middle). Using the slider, they adjust the strength of the catapult: it can throw it with all its might or make a lesser toss. Pressing the yellow button to the right of the joystick fires the slingshot and unleashes the poor RocketSnail.
Characters
RocketSnails
| “ | This will be VERY painful! | ” |
| Name | Image | Description | Parody |
|---|---|---|---|
| RocketSnail | The generic RocketSnail. Does nothing but hit stuff. | Red | |
| Snellville Elder | The Elder is three times the size of a normal RSnail, but other than his sheer weight, he does nothing different. | Terence | |
| Snell-Libro | When they collide with the target(s), they explode! (The real Snell-Libros were very offended by their role.) | Bomb | |
| Solar RocketSnail | An energy-efficient and ligher RSnail. These travel faster and penetrate deeper into whatever they hit. | Chuck | |
| CartSnail | A very rare find. CartSnails, instead of being thrown, are just activated. The only RocketSnail breed with their old propulsion, they ram themselves into the first block they hit with immense force, and then disappear. | N/A | |
| The RSnail | Not a RSnail, THE RSnail! Players are given two uses of THE RSnail. Pressing the black button on the console summons him to destroy the level and forfeit it, skipping to the next level. | Mighty |
Screenhogs
| “ | WHATEVER YOU DO, JUST KEEP STANDING STILL! | ” |
| Name | Image | Description | Parody |
|---|---|---|---|
| Screenhog | It's just a Screenhog. He just sits there. Kill him. | Generic pig | |
| Big Screenhog | Exactly what it says on the tin. It's a big Screenhog. Kill him. | Big pig | |
| Screenhog with a Firewall | A Screenhog with a wireless router sitting on top of him. This makes him harder to kill. | Pig with a COMBAT HELMET on him | |
| Classy Screenhog | A brown Screenhog with a mustache, top hat, and monacle. Can only be killed by a direct collision with a RSnail. | Pig with a mustache | |
| THE Screenhog | The one and only. THE Screenhog is actually a penguin, making him intolerably difficult to kill. | GLORY AND POWER TO THE PIG KING | |
| Dara | Oh, you thought Dara would make a game and not put herself in it? AU CONTRAIRE. The actual final boss of the game, she stuck herself in there and made herself stronger, simply for the Lulz. In her level, one is given a set time limit and a limitless amount of RocketSnails. The object is to hit her enough and fast enough to lower her HP to zero. | N/A |
Winning
The object of the game is to rack up points. It's one hundred points per structure block, five thousand per Screenhog, ten thousand for all RocketSnails not fired, and one hundred thousand for THE ScreenHog. (Using THE RSnail forfeits the level with zero points and skips to the next one.)
Although players could theoretically rack up a high score in just a few levels, the only real way to ensure oneself on the list is to play the entire game.
The game is over if a player runs out of RocketSnails fourteen times. There are one hundred levels and oppurtunities for one-ups throughout.
Reaction
The money was immense, the praise was immense, and the reception was immensely positive... unless one is a RocketSnail or a Screenhog. It is needless to say that these two groups despise this game. (After all, it is a universal fact that RocketSnails and Screenhogs are harmoniously friendly to each other.)
Penguins for the Ethical Treatment of Fish routinely protest outside arcades when they install a copy of Ponyo Fan, but like always, they are ignored, or, in some places, gunned down- with tasers and gas -by riot police.
Commentary and reviews
Trivia
- This game is a parody of the insanely popular Angry Birds game: a touch-screen oriented game that throws cute little birds at structures built by equally adorable little pigs. Seriously.
- GLORY AND POWER TO THE PIG KING
- Despite what one may think, the highest score on any RTORS game is actually Fred 676. The game mainly involves angles of trajectory; this is a skill that Fred mastered as a little chick. (Veranda is in second.)
- MORE GLORY AND POWER TO THE PIG KING