Ministry of the Oversight of Monopolies

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Ministery of the Oversight of Monopolies
Lichenblossomese Eldership of the Administration and Regulation of Monopolistic Trade
Eldership overview
Formed December 1971
Jurisdiction Lichenblossom Islands
Headquarters Redlink Abbey
Employees 59
Annual budget 20,000 coins
Ministers responsible Lindana Feh, Chief Elder
Laurence Feh, Elder
Jeanne Pruvit, Elder (RESIGNED in 2002)
Parent eldership Grand Council of the Elders of the Economy and the Treasury (Eldership of the Treasury)
Child eldership Lichenblossom Office of Justice (very small branch)


Lichenblossom Office of Justice
Office overview
Formed January 1972
Dissolved 2002
Jurisdiction Lichenblossom Isles
Headquarters Redlink Abbey
Employees 9
Annual budget 10,000 coins
Office executives N/A (never showed up for work), Attorney General of Lichenblossom
Candia Sermunculli, Assistant Attornery General of Lichenblossom
Parent office Ministery of the Oversight of Monopolies
Footnotes
Considered a failure until the international Mom v. Gates brawl



The Lichenblossomese Eldership of the Administering and Regulation of Monopolistic Trade, known almost exclusively by its more democratic-sounding, Dorkugese colonial dub, the Ministry of the Oversight of Monopolies, and famously shortened to M.O.M. (and called "MOM", not "the MOM"), is a council under the control of the executive branch of the governance of Lichenblossom. It is a sub-council of the Eldership of the Treasury. Once consisting of three elders, it now only has two.

In tune with the ancient traditions, and like all executive branches, the MOM is a council of elders appointed by the Grand Council of the Elders of Lichenblossom (their chairman being the Great Abbess), vested with the authority to, when presented with evidence supporting it, bust monopolies into smaller, more competitive companies.

It is unique in the world of politics because of its hierarchy. It answers to the Treasury of Lichenblossom, but has under it the Lichenblossomese equivalent of the Department of Justice. The DOJ in the real world is intended to be both the chief law advisors (attornies general) and chief law enforcement office of a government. However, the purpose of the DOJ in Lichenblossom was to carry out the judicial, legal, and prosecuting tasks for the MOM, and nothing else. Lichenblossom never believed in trials by jury or judge, again, because of their ancient traditions and structure.

The Lichenblossomese government does NOT believe in seperation of powers.


Background

In the 1970s, Rockefella Aurumen, an Olde Antarctican immigrant, had managed to seize pretty much the entireity of the oil businesses on Lichenblossom, taking them at the cheap from the Squashins. He had cleverly organized all sorts of smaller oil companies under one administrative company, or a company of companies: that is, a business trust. Each boss answered to him and all of the companies shared their profits amongst themselves, while excessively charging the populace of Lichenblossom for oil and oil products.


Seeing this, the Great Abbess of Lichenblossom, alongside the Eldership of the country, ordered the commissioning of a new group of elders, to be vested with the job of overseeing and removing unfair and anti-competitive businesses, or, in other words, monopolies. However, since this eldership was executvie and not judicial, an Office of Justice (OOJ) was created underneath them and staffed with an attorney general and an assistant attorney general (AAG), and a few other employees, to present evidence to the MOM to authorize their authority to bust trusts.

Following this so far? Good.


In 1972, after the MOM and OOJ were instated, the attornies general were selected. The actual Attorney General named never showed up, so it was the Assistant Attorney General (AAG) that truly operated the office.

The AAG in question was Candia Sermunculli, the grandmother of Canren Sermunculli, and yes, that is the very same tattler of Eastshieldian fame. Tattling runs deeply in the familly.


Involvement

Main article: Rockefella#Involvement

The stated purpose of the Ministry was to regulate monopolies, and in its day, there was but one: Danville Oil. Candia tried all she could, but she could never bust them.


Profile of the Elders of MOM

Elder of MOM
Incumbent
Lindanna and Laurence Feh
since 1972
Residence Redlink Abbey
Appointer Grand Council of the Elders of Lichenblossom
as assembled
Term length Life
Inaugural holder Lindanna Feh, Laurence Feh, Jeanne Pruvit
Formation 1972
Salary

1000 coins monthly



Style Milord/Milady






LEADER
 Lindanna Feh is the Chief Elder of MOM, and has been since the eldership's inception. Aged into her seventies, she still maintains the level-headed, always-busy attitude that got her appointed. She is married to Laurence Feh, the second Elder of MOM. She always wanted to believe Candia and her evidence showing the anti-competitive practices of Danville Oil, but never did, because the vidence kept disappearing or was rendered inaccurate every single time. She had a bitter dislike of Jeanne.


Laurence Feh is the second Elder of the three elders of MOM. He is married to Lindanna and is three years older than her. He is wheelchair-bound, but is fortunately sharp enough to keep his position on the Ministry. He is gentle and tries to remain neutral on the subject, usually ruling with Lindanna, like a timid puppet. He actually saw some of Candia's evidence, but by the time he tried to show it to Lindanna, it was gone, much to Candia's chagrin. He was always afraid of Jeanne.


RESIGNED
 Jeanne Pruvit was the third and final Elder of the three elders of MOM, and also the youngest. Before the appointment, she was a lawyer. A cold, commanding, and bossy penguin that never liked playing around and always took things into her own flippers when her way or her direction wasn't met, she never once believed Candia, ever. Her motto in life was "PROVE IT", and she used this cold mantra against the young lawyer every time. She eventually resigned in 2005 to persue another quest that would make quite a use of her "PROVE IT" mindset: allegedly travelling with The Forbidden Joneses in a quest to lock TurtleShroom's grandfather in a mental institute.


MOM v. Gates

Main article: MOM v. Gates

The eldership was up for abolition until the successful failure of MOM v. Gates. MOM v. Gates was a landmark international court case decided on USA soil. Bill Gate$ had opened a Micro Hard and Soft branch on Lichenblossom and had, like other countries, begun legally eliminating weak companies by adopting and outmoding file formats right out from under them.

The dead computer companies plead to MOM to save them, and Candia agreed to do it. After a long time to get the USA to consent to it, and forcing Bill Gate$ to comply, they managed to get the two groups together despite international boundraies and radically different systems of law.

The end result, though, was a shocker. The courts ruled, by one concurrence, that monopolies had the right to exist in the USA and the government had no authority to dismantle them, unless the government created them in the first place. Monopolies were "champions of commerce" and could only be regulated "to make sure everyone else can exist", but can not be broken, nor can the barriers of entry be lowered. This matches the Dorkugal precedent as well.

Lichenblossom remains the only mega-high-tech nation that is anti-monopoly. The situation has yet to arise in the Geek Empire, so Dorkugal and the USA are the other two.


Trivia

  • This is an expansive article intended to parody the "Phineas and Ferbenstein" episode of the titular show, "Phineas and Ferb". Like the episode it parodies, MOM, Rockefella, and Candia take the place of Miss Aurumen, Midas and Herb, and Canren, and the former acts on a larger scale than the more modern latter.
  • This is also a pun on Candace (from "Phineas and Ferb")'s mission, to "bust" her siblings in the act of building. In the early twentieth century, breaking monopolies was called trust busting.
    • Which allows for the P&F related phrase, "I'M TELLING M.O.M.", parodying Ferbenstein's "I'M TELLING MOB", a play on Canren's "I'M TELLING MOM".
    • Candia is a parody of Constance the Governess from the same episode.
  • Jeanne is a parody of the character Janet from the classic series, The Magic School Bus.


See also




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